Beginning

dear readers,
Assalamualaikum and hi!

I'm not a good good writer... and my English and Bahasa Malaysia were also broken... but I hope my journey here will be beneficial to be shared to all...

I was there sitting at the bus stop where I first met him... I was 18 and he was 27 at that time... but who knows, we get along together just fine with so much happiness... until....
One day, I couldn't reach his phone, after trying so many times for 2 days...finally, I heard a voice that I've never heard before... I was so afraid, my heart beaten fast.. I knew something wrong was going on... I kept myself calm as were told... but tears started stream down my face and I lost control of my self when i heard that he was no longer live... I scream and cry as loud as i can....
I felt emptiness, I'm dead but still breathing...keep on crying every night... I couldn't accept the one and only love that i have, had been taken away just like that...
I kept blaming on my self... I can't forgive myself... he died because of me!!!!

He died because of me... no its wrong...he died because Allah love him more than i do... or Allah love me more... He knows what's the best for us... He knows everything...

I learned how to let go the one that I love the most... it was the biggest challenge to me as I had upcoming final exam waiting a head... I knew I had to keep myself strong, to stop cry and craving for somebody who doesn't belong for me...
I'm glad that i had a friend who keep telling me to rely only on Allah... Love only for Allah... Pray to Allah for his good sake,... and I put everything to Allah... then I found this sweet calmness that I've never felt before... I felt so calm and relax during my study week.. and Alhamdulillah, i never thought that I'll pass!
I gained something when I lost something... fair enough!

Losing something doesn't mean the end of the world... there are many other THINGS waiting a head in front of us...we just need a little effort to open and widen our eyes and mind and see how beautiful they are!
To accept the death of somebody that we love never been easy... yes, its hard!
To let it go, were even harder...
Knowing that he doesn't belong for me...worst!
But when I believe that Allah had plan for me (either something better or bad), things get so easy and lighter!
All I need to do is just to follow His path.. and He will show me the light and guide me to the right place and I hope that His light will never dim, and will always be brighter all the time, insyaAllah...
Maybe the incident had brought me nearer to Allah? who knows...

"setiap yang berlaku ada hikmah disebaliknya, hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui"
"tidak sempurna iman seseorang itu selagi dia tidak diuji"